There have been many books and television shows on life after death. I have always had an interest in all of this, although I would prefer to stay alive for a few more years before I witness first hand what death is like. What concerns me about my own death is the tunnel. No one who has died has really described the tunnel in detail. Is it a big tunnel? Is it a small tunnel? God forbid it is not a subway tunnel, with graffiti all down the walls. “God Rules Dude!”... How long is this tunnel? After the life I have had, I would not want it to be a long journey to the light. I do not think I would have the energy, I would be dead tired.

What about the light itself. People are known to exaggerate. Instead of this immensely powerful light that is brighter than the sun, it is probably the total opposite. I bet it is just some old guy holding a lamp with a 40 watt bulb in it and he is standing by a toll booth.

It will be harder than hell for me to find this light. I am very bad with directions. Knowing my luck, I would see the light and start running towards it. At the last second, I would notice the flames shooting up from hell and it would be too late for me to go the other way.

There are many questions that must be asked. What exactly is heaven like? Will I come face to face with the all mighty? Is there cable? Can I bring my television remote control with me? Do I still have to keep condoms on me since I’m a slut?

There are certain people that I would not want in heaven. If I was stuck in heaven with these people I would kill myself. ( You know who you are). I also think there are at least three levels to heaven. The first level is for all people who lived their life for the benefit of helping their fellow man. People like priests, nuns, missionaries and prostitutes, and sluts like me that give it away for free to a couple thousand lucky men (and a few ladies when I was really really drunk!). The second level would be for anyone that makes over $100,000 per year without cheating on their taxes. The third level worries me. This is the level I would be going to probably in all honesty. This is also the level that all the cockroaches go to. It is a filthy level. (All the maids are on the first and second levels.) There will be so many people crammed on this level that when I get there, I bet there will not be room for me and they will have to make a fourth level…..the Psycho Stalker Slut level

Supposedly when I pass on I will be meeting dearly departed friends and family, who I have not seen in years. What I can not live with (or die with...) is the fact that there are certain people I might not want to see again. What if I had a perverted Uncle or something, I would not want him greeting me with a big grin on his face... Or worse…an AUNT!

Let us get back to the tunnel. I think that certain individuals are going to end up being stuck in the dark for quite a while. I pity someone like Stevie Wonder. How is he supposed to go to the light at the end of the tunnel when the poor bugger can not see (unless, of course, the walls are in Braille and he feels his way to the light...) Knowing my luck, he would find his way to the light faster than I ever would. I am also
ready to be disappointed when I first set my eyes on heaven. What if my first vision of heaven is one of beauty and joy, yet the McDonald’s sign ruins it all?

Anyway, if anyone of my fellow sluts ever experiences death and lives to tell about it, I would love to hear from you. By the way, remember to put in a good word for me while you are there...